The Abortion Chronicles Part 1

So here we are. The eve of the deed.
Mum asleep next door purring softly through the wall.
The woman who birthed and raised me.
Here in my life to support once more.
As her own daughter takes the life of her grandchild.

And internally I feel ... like I'm holding myself upright.
Tight.
My mind is calm. Practical matters only.
No more moral arguments.
They are quiet. Have been quiet. Unless I poke at them deliberately - for reassurance that they're still there.
And even then their din only lasts a short while. And then they shut up.

And peace returns to my mind.

My heart has a fluttering of fear flirting with her edges.
It is simply fear of the unknown.
The format and logistics.
The physical sensation.
The how will my life adjust to this action?
The fear of falling into self destruction after the fact.
Will I keep my promise to my child of living this life fully?

And a quiet voice says lovingly, gently: "Yes."
And the quiet voice sings:
     "I will be gentle with myself,
      I will love myself,
      I am a child of the universe,
      Being born each moment."

And the quiet voice says "Trust."
And the quiet voice says "Live it."
And the quiet voice says "Forgive yourself."

And I hear her.
And fear flutters.
And I am not afraid of her flutterings.

This is my journey.
And fighting against it won't change it.

31st Jan 2012 ~1am